I don't know what's worth fighting for
Or why I have to scream.
I don't know why I instigate
And say what I don't mean.
I don't know how I got this way
I know it's not alright.
So I'm breaking the habit,
I'm breaking the habit
Tonight

Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park

So i wanted to post some long winded post about why i'm so fucked up and stuff that goes on in my head and all that shit... but to be honest there really is no point. I seriously have gotten to the stage now where i just... I want to say i'm at the point where i couldn't give two shits but i'm sat here worrying about what others will think about me.. which is stupid because no one ever gives a shit about what i think...

And i know there are going to be people who say they care.. and that "How can you say that" and "That's not fair you know i ....." etc etc, but unless you know exactly how i feel you're not going to understand. You guys are great and all, but... >.< It's not... It's not a long term solution to a major problem.... It's just... you guys are just..helping... not... curing... if that makes sense...

See, this is the part where everyone thinks i'm being a complete fuck and start to hate me and bitch and moan and call me two faced and... Ugh... think what you will... I just.... What ever...

Cold and frosty morning there's not a lot to say
About the things caught in my mind
And as the day was dawning my plane flew away
With all the things caught in my mind

Oasis - Don't Go Away.

So since my last update it's been... god... ages. William and Nathan are 4 and 2, William is in school... things went from bad to worse to good to okay... and now i just feel... worse again. I feel awful, because i can relate to a friends problems but i feel that if i try to talk about how i feel i'm almost... copying them or... using their bravery as an excuse to.. i dunno... latch onto the understanding they are getting from others... but seeing him be so brave and coming out and /saying/ all that stuff makes me want to sort myself out more....

Anyway, so i'm... I'm RPing again (Role playing) And it's been sorta helping... I've made friends and had a laugh, but you know.. with that comes the darker evil side of people being arses. Some nights i come off happy but some nights have had me in tears... I guess it comes with the territory...

I'm not sure what this post was hoping to achieve... i'm hoping to use this blog again to express my depression, anxiety and all that shit. Both as Kattrina and as Jo. More on that later.