We the people fight for our existence
We don't claim to be perfect, But we're free
We dream our dreams alone with no resistance
Fading like the stars we wish to be.


Five weeks to go before my due date. Kris helped me pack all the items i would need for the hospital. Still things like open front nighties and nursing bra's to buy, but i have a while to get them yet so i'm ok. Obviously i don't want to leave it too long since technically i could give birth any day now. O_O Kris' mum mentioned wanting to go shopping with me for that kind of stuff, so i might mention it to her when we go over on sunday.

I have a midwife appointment on the 2nd april, an exact month from my due date, then two weeks later a GP appointment the 2 weeks later my last midwife appointment and hopefully my birth. T_T it's going so quickly.
I have antenatle classes on 12th and 19th april, both run from 2pm - 4 pm, both at the childrens center. Kris and i are looking forward to those, me mainly so i can learn how to 'breath threw the pain' so to speak.

So not much more to tell. It's all pretty much same old same old for the next five weeks. ^_^
Not long now and i'll be a mummy for the first time. (tries not to cry) It's all so exciting.

I am an arms dealer
Fitting you with weapons in the form of words
And don't really care which side wins
As long as the room keeps singing
That's just the business I'm in, yeah!


Ahoy hoy! Some good news and some bad news. The good news is I only have six weeks left till i'm due. I have appointments every two weeks now. One yesterday with bobby, then i have one on the second of april, which will be an exact month from my due date ^_^.
The bad news is the sickness has come back. Not as badly as it was in my 'first' six weeks, but it's still annoying. I was told that some women have morning sickness throughout pregnancy, so i suppose i've been lucky. I was glad when it died down after the first three months, then it was every now and then. (maybe i wasn't cooking my food properly or my body just didn';t like what i was eating? Could be anything)

Measured the baby, it's a little small apparantly. OH! Jan (Kris' mum, my mother-in-law) had taped some birthing programmes for me, just to get my head around what i'm to expect... I was so shocked. The baby comes out Purple! No one told me the baby would be purple! I worry enough about things to know my baby is going to be purple.
I panicked. "Will the baby be alright? It won;t stay that colour for long will it?" I asked. Jan assured me the baby was quite fine and the colour would start to fade.
"You have to remember it's been in your womb and in water already. It's been happening for years."
I blinked. "Yes... but the only time i've ever seen something purple is when it's having trouble breathing... I don't think i can do this."

Oh well, it's a bit late to be saying that now, isn't it. ^_^

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend,
Somewhere along in the bitterness,
And I would have stayed up with you all night,
Had I known how to save a life.


Carpets are in and the house looks lovely. It's certainly a change for the place to start looking like a home now. Hopefully going to feel well enough to sort the nursery out today or tomorrow. Sickness has come back (sulks) so i'm trying to take it easy. I'm guessing it's cause the baby is taking up the room where i would normally be able to breathe and move, so my food is being squished. Ew, squishy food!

Oh! a really big Argos van has just pulled up outside. Looks like someone's been shopping! ^_^
i'd love to go out shopping but moving makes me feel queezy. O_O
Kinda double, well, triple booked myself for saterday. Louise might have her car (she passed her test, which is ace, and has seen a really nice Red Ford KA which she's picking up today) so she said she might drive over, I asked Jan to come over and bring the baby stuff she had so we can go threw the nursery stuff and of course, mum will prob ask me when i wanna go tesco.
Fun fun fun! T_T

Got the dentis tomorrow.... (sulk sulk) i hate going, cause lets face it, the dentist isn't the most pleasent experiance in the world (though that view might change in 6/7 weeks time ^_^) and then MOTHERS DAY is sunday ladies and gents... don't go forgetting now! Then it's the Midwife on monday.
The days are just packed!

Konban Wa!

It's like, 23:29 on thursday and I should be in bed. O_O i am soooo down right now...

This is, like, a mega quick one. it's not so much the Video i want you to pay attention to but the song. There is an anime i have fallen in love with called 'Fullmetal Alchemist' and it's all about how when the main characters (Ed and Al Elric) Mother dies, they use a fornidden Alchemy Transmutation (spell) to try and bring her back and it backfires. Ed losses his right arm and his left leg and Al's body is taken away. To save his brother Ed binds Al's soul to a suit of armour so he can 'live' and the two journey to try and fix each other via use of the Philosophers Stone.

This song is usual in russian, the man singing is the american voice actor for Ed's character, Vic Mignogna. I just thought it's such a beautiful song, i had to share it with the world. If you do watch the vid i will warn you, this may look like a Cartoon (growls) but REAL anime is made for adult audiances and 'pokemon' and 'yu-gi'oh' have been americanised or 'sugar coated'
There might be blood.

So, here it is... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLy04NnUnlA check it out.... it;s a lovely piece of music with gorgeous lyrics.

Ha, and i said this was a quick one.

You're giving me to many things latley
You're all i need.


Eight weeks left. Next week the carpets are coming and then hopefully at the end of the month the new kitchen will be fitted. Hopeing it's all done before i go into labour. I still remember how shocked i was to find out i was six weeks gone when i went to the midwife for the first time, and that went quickly.

It's getting so much closer that i'm now in two minds. I'm happy it's coming to an end, becuase the need to cry for no real reason is starting to set in, but i'm a little worried about what's going to happen and how everything will go. I'm not even sure how long they keep you in for these days, so do i need overnight stuff or just enough stuff to have the baby, chill for a few hours and then go home? I just don't know.

I suppose all i can do now is sit back relax and wait for it all to unfold.
I hate waiting.