I've tried so hard, and got so far,
But in the end, it doesn't really matter.


Well, that's over and done with for another year! Seeing the family, pretending you like the novelty Christmas Reindeer jumper that nana bought you (now with flashing red nose, nice)
And of course the presents you did like and spent the whole day ignoring people becuse you were playing/reading/can't stop fiddling with all day.
This year i was shocked to find the Queen just saying good bye to me as i turned on the telly. Well, if she doesn't want to talk to me she shouldn't be on my screen (lol)

All in all a good crimbo. Hoping you all had a good one. Next year will be a heck of a handful, but i still have 363 days to go before i have to juggle a baby, a husband and christmas!

Roll on New Year I suppose.

A good friend is one who visits you in jail.
A great friend is one sat beside you saying 'Damb, we messed up!'

I am so happy with myself.
There is a website I go on often called fanfiction.net. It's a place were people go to post stories they've written about stuff they are fans of. Like Harry Potter, Resident Evil, the Final Fantasy Series etc. Well, i'm a big Discworld, Harry Potter and Final Fantasy VII fan and have written a few stories of my own and have managed to upload 2 of my FF stories onto the site.
Under my pen name Kitty Vixen i've got one finished angst i wrote while rather depressed and one romance/humour that is only one chapter at the mo, but i'm fleshing it out.

I can't believe I actually have a story on the internet... two stories. They might not be everyone's 'cup of tea' but I enjoyed typing them and I hope someone somewhere enjoys reading them ^_^
Oh, and if you are thinking of going to read them, bare in mind they are rated M for mature readers due to language. They will both be under Game, then Final Fantasy VII then there are things at the top of the page where you can pick the rating, the genre etc. (for those of you new to the site.)

^_^ little author girl... te he... GO ME!

Frozen inside without your touch, without your love.

Well, 'tis the week before Christmas. Technically, yesterday being Monday and Monday being Christmas day, it was yesterday, but i wasn't on then, so ner! *sticks out tounge*
Got a busy day today. Cinema, Aquariam, Tesco, In-Law's house, the moon... wait, scratch that last one. ^_^

Also got to drop off a dance mat for my friend. I said i had one spare and that he could have mine for free. Almost like a Christmas present, just without the wrapping paper (thank god).

Charlie is doind ok, Baby Bob is getting more fidgity... and Kris is off work now till new years day! Woohoo! We have to take Charlie to the vet for her check up on thursday at 11:30. I hope the pain killers have been helping and her claws are better. I don't like the thought of her having to go threw more pain. >_<

Well, i'm gonna grab some munchies and sort myself out for my busy day.
Sayonara *bows politley*

There is no end and no begining, only Custard Pastries!!!!!

Had the worst two days of my life. Was cleaning out my Rabbit, Charlie, yesterday and my hubby, Kris, was rabbit sitting. I heard a weird noise and made a joke about him trying to kill my rabbit and he said Charlie had leapt out of his arms and he'd caught 'him' in mid air. We couldn't find the dustpan so we put Charlie back in 'his' cage and searched for it and i noticed Charlie was sat funny.

'His' back paw on his left side ad two claws out of place. So we drove 'him' to the vet and they kept 'him' in over night, then gave him a local anesthetic and took some x-rays. 2 Dislocated claws and, get this, if it had been done recently they would have been able to fix them while Charlie was under, but they'd healed like that, meaning it's been like that for roughly two weeks? Now roughly 3 weeks ago i clipped 'his' claws and the paw was fine. how could i miss something like that?

Oh, the reason for all he 'he' and 'his' stuff is because Charlie was sold to us as a male Rabbit. I was talking to the vet on the phone this afternoon and he said 'oh, and it's a female rabbit.'
Stupid question to ask a vet but i was like 'are you sure?'
So Charlie - originally named after Dom's character in Lost is now Charlie the girl.
Sorry Dom.

The paw is a little sore and 'he's' got pain killers. Very happy she's back. Missed her soo much last night, since my hubby was on night shift and the house was quiet. The vet did say if the claws continue to give pain the best thing to do will be amputate but other than that the paw is fine. Charlie has a check up planned for next thursday. Fingers crossed all will be fine.
^_^

Stop Crying Your Heart Out.

Just got back from the Hospital where i had my mid-pregnancy scan. Everything is fine, heart is fine, two kidneys seen etc... there was only one down side. The baby had it's legs over it's head so we couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl! >_<

My mum didn't want to know so at least no one will let it slip but it would have been nice to know. So it's baby Bob for the moment. I'm happy everything is aha 'normal'.
Looks like i'll just have to wait till i have the baby to find out if it's a boy or a girl.

XxX

Everyday i wake up and it's sunday

I HATE MONDAYS!

Woke up feeling groggy and wishing i could have a day in bed. I feel so bad today i can't even eat toast. I even feel a bit sick drinking Lemsip and i love the stuff.

I decided to make personalised Christmas Cards for a few close friends and i hadn't even started till this morning. I had a great idea for one of the cards, but i have to put some background, and i can't think of anything to do.

The day of my scan is finally apon me. (well, it's tomorrow) and next sunday Sky One are showing Hogfather by Terry Pratchett. Can't wait, it's first half sun, second half mon. ^_^

Well, i should get back to drawing these cards.
Sayonara!

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don’t know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone.

Sniffling, coughing and wanting to stay in bed all day i crawl into the kitchen to make myself a Blackcurrent lemsip. It feels like i've had this cold for years... the headaches, the throat pain, the constant need to blow my nose... and it doesn't help that the baby has now started kicking me nearly 24 hours a day.

You have no idea how hard it is to sleep when your baby is playing football with you... and i don't mean out on the pitch kinda thing, if ya know what i mean.
Of course, i can't get rid of my cold with too many lemsip's etc becuase of the affect of the Paracetamol on the baby. I hope i'm not ill over Christmas...

Finally decorated my mini christmas tree... not that i feel very festive. The funny thing is the Angel i've used is for the large tree i we used to have at my mum's house, so i have a massive angel on a mini tree. It looks so cute.

Oh, Friends is on...

Sayonara!

I don't wanna die, but i ain't keen on living either.

It's too late in the day to be writing a blog. I know this, yet i still sit here in front of my Laptop ready to tell people who know me and the few who have stumled here the inner workings of my psyke. Is that how you spell it? Who know's? Who cares?

It's an amaizing thing, the human mind. One day it can have you in the highest state of euphoria, and the next all you feel like doing is locking yourself away from the world and never coming out. Not so long ago I was, well, lets not dress it up... I was self harming. I had reached a stage where so much about my past had gotten to me and recent events had just broken the facade i had built up over the years. I felt emptyness. Tears would not come and there was no one around who i felt would understand, and so the pain i felt from the knife edge across my skin was a welcome from the feeling of uselessness and regret.

Of course i regret what i did now, and the scars on my arms are a grim reminder of my stupidity. I lied to people about the cuts and the scars, and for a while the lies stuck. Just last Satuday i told my mum the truth about the cuts and she said she knew. I must admit i wasn't surprised and felt good that she knew the truth.
In fact, the only person i didn't lie to was my husband. I told him why i was doing it, i told him how and i talked it over with him. He didn't understand but he listened. He offered advice with the best of his understanding and he promised to help me get over it.

I'm not over it, i don't feel like i'll ever get over it, but i haven't taken a knife to my skin in over a year and i remain adament that i won't. I have to stay strong for the people around me, the people who love me and the little baby that will depend on me being strong.

But it leaves me wondering... How can i take care of a child when i can't even take care of myself?

When I said 'death' before 'dishonor,' I meant alphabetically.

Interesting, dear reader, doesn't even cover it.
Christmas! We all know it's coming. Just a check, put your hands up all of you who don't feel Christmasy this year.
(does quick head count) Oh! that is just me then... thank you for clearing that one up.
You see, i can't remember if it was last year or the year before, but at some point, i just lost the Christmasy feel. Next year will be different of course... i'll have little baby Cadd to make it feel so much more special.

Speaking of which, a week on Tueday i have my 20 week scan. I'm kinda excited, but also kinda nervous. This is were they could tell me the baby has health problems, or maybe there's an abnormality... but i'm sure everything will be fine *bites bottom lip*
I also learn what the sex might be. it's a 30% chance that their wrong, but i'm still looking forward to knowing if the baby's going to be William or not? we're still going over girls names... just when we thought we had it settled, something else came along that sounded good. We did talk about the name katrina, but it was late at night and i was very sleepy...

We shall see.
~Jo-Chan~
Don't worry, the gods can't hurt me, I'm an atheist.